The Fear Trap

She asks me, “do you ever have the dream where you desperately try to run but your legs will not move?”

Oh yes. I sure have.

Well, that’s what her reality feels like right now. Her life is stagnant. Motionless. She wants desperately to get ahead but she’s paralyzed. And the harder she fights to move, the more stuck she feels.

I ask her a simple question, “what are you so afraid of?”

The answers come easily at first: “I might fail”, “what if I make the wrong choice?”, “I don’t want to rock the boat”, “I just don’t know if I can do it”, “my loved ones might not approve” and “what if I’m wrong and I end up looking like a fool?”

With nothing but love and understanding, I look at her and tell her that those are all surface answers. “What are you really afraid of?” I ask.

She looks back at me and her eyes quickly dart away as the tears emerge. As she breathes in deeply, she closes her eyes and whispers, “I’m afraid of not being accepted. I’m afraid that I won’t be loved. I’m afraid that I’ll be an outcast.”

Ah, there it is!

It’s the fear beneath all fears. It’s so universally human and it’s holding her back. But not only is it preventing her from movement, it’s suffocating her. She thinks she’s playing it safe but her authentic self is drowning in the inauthenticity of fear and preconceived worst-case scenarios.

I ask her what it would look like to shift the focus on truly loving herself unconditionally and without apology.

She looks at me with confusion and asks me, “what on earth does that have to do with anything?” No matter how much she loves herself, the fear of being alone remains.

“Fair enough” I tell her.

But then I ask her what would happen if she should choose to fully love and embrace herself and in doing so, nurture her self-confidence? What would be possible? And what if she believed and knew that deep within herself, she could handle anything that came her way?

Her deepest fear is merely a construct in her mind of what (most likely) would never happen. It’s a story. In fact, her absolute worst fear of being an outcast is so far-fetched that its absurd to give it so much power.

And to take it one step further, how could she end up alone if all she radiated from her being is love – love that comes from the inside? How can an outcast possibility remain an outcast when others crave the very thing that radiates from that individual? Authenticity and love attract more authenticity and love.

Let’s think about this for a second.

When you meet an individual who carries around self-loathing, fear or bitterness, do you suddenly feel the urge to be around that person? Are you attracted to the negative energy? If your answer is yes, you’re reading the wrong blog.

Consider the tremendous impact of loving and respecting yourself. The very aura you give off will impact others. Things will come to you in accordance with how you treat yourself and believe in what’s possible.

As long as we don’t do the work to clean it up, fear will fester inside of us and keep us locked down. Our efforts to move forward will fail us and the stories we tell ourselves about the fear will feed into new fears. What an awful rabbit hole!

The fears spoken by this individual are the fears we all share. But the only ticket past those fears is tucked inside of us.

The good news is that fear only has as much power as we give it.  And here’s another piece that is important to acknowledge: it can be nearly impossible to do this alone. We need to reach out. As someone who is constantly doing the work to tame my own fears, I know I can help.

You don’t have to stay stuck. Your life is a one-shot event and my passion is to help you live an amazing life that isn’t dictated by fear.

Contact me to set up a free consultation so we can talk – I promise you’ll be glad you did! Simply click on the button below to be taken to our contact page! Watch your folder for our reply!

Yes Katy, I’d like to connect!